Friday, 2 September 2011

George Lucas Needs a Kick to the Nuts

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Okay, really it was the 80s.  But whatever.

I loved Star Wars.  I mean I LOVED it.  I watched all three movies over and over until the VHS tapes stopped working.  They were the BEST MOVIES EVER.

And then they weren't.

Oh, George Lucas.  What have you done?  Why?  Did you need the money?  Were you being blackmailed?  Did someone hold a gun to your head and force you to have Greedo shoot first?  And then the prequels.  I don't even want to mention the prequels.  Because they are crap.  Absolute crap.  Horridly written, terribly acted.  Honestly, it's like no one involved in these movies had ever seen real human emotion before (plus, they were absolutely ridiculous.  I mean, Padme dies of a broken heart.  Seriously?!?!?!?! They have all sorts of fancy equipment, and she dies of a broken heart!!!  Anakin was basically a limbless, burnt torso.  And HE survives).

What I'm really cheesed about is how George Lucas can't stop fucking around with the originals.

This fall all six Star Wars movies will be released on Blu Ray.  But the original three won't be the "original" versions.  They'll be tinkered with and altered and edited to death.  This open letter to George Lucas sums it up.  Personally, I think a swift kick to the nuts is what Lucas really needs.

Instead of giving Mr. Lucas even more money, I strongly suggest investing in the "Robot Chicken" Star Wars specials.  They are funny, well written, and the acting is superb (and yes, I realize it's stop-motion animation; still much better acting than the prequels).

(DISCLAIMER: I'm not actually saying someone should go up to George Lucas and kick him in the nuts.  It would be just my luck that one of the three people reading this post would do that, and then blame me.)

This is the only altered movie I want to see:  Jaws Special Edition.

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