Sunday, 27 May 2012

The Lost LM Montgomery book: How I feel betrayed by society for not knowing of its existence

I have been, and always will be, a fan of LM Montgomery. In 1981 my grandparents gave me my first copy of "Anne of Green Gables". I say "first copy" because I read it to pieces (the last time I read that copy it was more tape than book). When I was 8 my parents took my brother and me on a summer vacation to PEI, including a visit to Green Gables and the Charlottetown Festival. I bought the other 7 Anne books that summer.

I can't even count the number of times that I've read those books. Easily more than 10 times (for the entire series). And while I haven't studied Montgomery's writings, like my friend over at A Fair Substitute for Heaven, I have read most of her novels and a number of her short stories.

So how the hell have I never heard of The Blythes Are Quoted???????????????????????


I haven't read it yet, but I purchased a copy for my Kobo. I'll let you know my feelings about it after I finish.

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Seriously? 1845 views?

Okay, so I know I just posted. But I went to my blog and saw that I have over 1800 views. What the what?!?!? I only know about 20 people. And I don't have enough written to justify 1800 views. Over 1,800 views.

Now I feel like I actually have to write something interesting.

Oh god, the pressure. It's killing me.

I'm totally drawing a blank.

I feel like I need to write something intelligent. Something incredibly witty. Something actually worth reading.

Maybe I should open up more, and share a bit of personal information with you, Dear Reader. For those of you reading this who haven't met me, here is a picture:


I'm the one in front. This was taken last May during the Rapture. Don't you hate it when you're out jogging in your favourite blue dress, and giant Jesus sneaks up behind you? I'm not sure who took the picture, but it sure turned out great.

Another little bit of personal information, which I may or may not have mentioned, is that occasionally I try to  pass myself off as a writer. Okay, I know I mentioned that before. But what is new information is that a kid I used to babysit is an actual writer. As in, had a real book on the McLeans Bestseller list. Words cannot describe how jealous I am. In fact, I won't even write his name. He's dead to me.

Fine. His name is Matt Lennox. Here's a link to his book: The Carpenter.

Go buy his book. And then read it. And then go buy my book. And read it too. Here's a link: my book.

First post of 2012

So, it's been a while. Something like 5 months. Yeah, I realize I suck. But now I'm back. And you're going to regret saying "why haven't you updated your blog? I liked it" (okay, I heard that from one person. And maybe she didn't say "like" so much as "tolerated". But I digress.)

Here's what's happened in the past 5 months:
- it stopped being winter
- it started being summer
(no, seriously; I'm pretty sure Canada has decided to skip spring altogether. I think we're becoming a country with 2 seasons, winter and summer)
- Girlfriend got into med school (which is huge, and I'm sorry I didn't write a post dedicated entirely to that fact)
- we got a new niece. She will be called Baby 2 (so as not to be confused with niece #1, who will be Baby 1)

Okay, now you're up-to-date on my life.

And now I have nothing to say. I contemplated writing about:
- how I've been playing Settlers of Catan on my iPad all day. And getting angry when the computer people gang up on me.
- how Community is awesome and underrated.
- how my cat is sitting and staring at me and being creepy.
- how I sprayed paint/sealant on my foyer ceiling today, and how I think the fumes gave me brain damage.

But none of those things are interesting. So instead, I'll just leave you at that. Maybe I'll think of something to write about tomorrow.

Or maybe not. Maybe it will be another 5 months.

I would now like to draw your attention to literally one of the greatest images of all time. And I mean that. Of all time.


Saturday, 17 December 2011

Happy Saturnalia!

First off, I would like to apologize to my readers (all 6 of you) for not updating my blog recently. Real life activities got in the way (work, directing a play, not having anything interesting to write about). But now I'm back. And with 2 weeks of vacation ahead of me, look forward to regular updates.

So to kick off my return to blogging, I would like to wish all of you a happy Saturnalia! No, not "happy holidays".  I'm so sick of everyone forgetting the true meaning of this season. Please, everyone, put the "Saturn" back in "Saturnalia".



December 17 marks the kick-off to the festivities celebrating Saturn, the god presiding over agriculture and harvest. The celebrations last until December 25. Like Catulus said, Saturnalia truly is the best of times.

Don't forget the following practices as you celebrate Saturnalia this week:

  • bind the feet of your statue of Saturn with wool (usually the feet are bond prior to Saturnalia) and then remove the binding as an act of liberation. This should be officiated by a priest with his head uncovered (according to Greek rite)
  • place the deity's image on a sumptuous couch, so that Saturn can really be a part of the festivities
  • hold a public banquet, followed by the shouting of "io Saturnalia". This is traditionally only done on Dec 17
  • Elect a Saturnalicius princeps to be the master of ceremonies. 
  • The making and giving of small presents is encouraged. Gambling is also allowed, even for slaves. 
  • Slaves are exempt from punishment. In fact, there is often a reversal of social order during this time (including the selecting of the "Lord of Misrule")

So, kick back, don your best toga, and celebrate Saturnalia!

Friday, 4 November 2011

Taking Advantage of Idiots, Volume 1: PT Barnum

Welcome to the first installment in a new series of posts entitled "Taking Advantage of Idiots".  I'm a firm believer that if you're an idiot, you probably deserve to be taken advantage of (I'm talking about the people who open emails from strangers and are surprised when they get a virus on their computer, or people who believe everything that they read on Facebook).

In honour of this, I would like to discuss P.T. Barnum, a man who definitely took advantage of many, many idiots in his time.



P.T. Barnum became famous in the 1800s for founding the circus that would eventually become Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. He travelled the US with his side show and circus, and he may have been the first "show business" millionaire (but he did not coin the phrase "there's a sucker born every minute", despite rumours to the contrary).

Barnum also was famous for his hoaxes.

The first, in 1842, was the Feejee Mermaid. Supposedly the mummified remains of an actual mermaid, this was really the head and torso of a monkey sewed to the body of a fish (with some paper mache thrown in for good measure).
Around the same time he also claimed that Charles Sherwood Stratton (or General Tom Thumb) was the "Smallest Person Who Ever Walked Alone". Of course, he forgot to mention that Charles (or "Tom") was actually only 4-years-old, not an adult.
There's also the story of how Barnum advertised an exhibit as an Egress (which, of course, means exit), duped people into paying an additional fee to see the exhibit, and leading them out of the museum entirely. Brilliant.

I know that side shows were horrible. But it was the 1800s, and from what I've read Barnum treated his performers quite fairly; under Barnum's management, Charles Stratton (Tom Thumb) became a very wealthy man, living with in luxury until his death at the age of 45.

So let's give a toast to P.T. Barnum, who may not have said it, but surely he felt that there really is a sucker born every minute.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

This Week in the News! October 29 Edition

Welcome to the newest edition of "This Week in the News!".

5.Olberman dubs Ford "Worst Person in the World"
I'm not really a Rob Ford fan, but even I think this is a little extreme.

4. Canadian senator wants polar bear as new emblem
This article is from the BBC, but I read basically the same one in the Toronto Star too.  The poor beaver.

3. Utah highway shut after 20m bees escape from lorry
Also from the BBC (note use of "lorry" as opposed to "truck").  20 MILLION bees.  That's a lot of bees. The road was closed for several hours while beekeepers tried to get the bees back.  Most were gone.  Drivers are being told to keep their windows closed.

2. Actress sues Amazon over her age on its IMDB
An unnamed actress is suing Amazon for more than $1 million because IMDB listed her age.

1. Rick Mercer's rant on teen suicide
The rest of the articles are ridiculous.  This one isn't.  Watch this video.

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Things that really annoy me: #1. Misuse of Guy Fawkes

I've decided to write a weekly (perhaps more often than weekly) post entitled "Things that really annoy me".  In it I will write about - you guessed it - things that really annoy me.

In volume 1 of "Things that really annoy me", I would like to discuss Guy Fawkes.  You know, the guy (and the word "guy" comes from his name) who tried to blow up British parliament in 1605.  A total hero of the people.  Trying to fight against the establishment, and make it a better world for everyone.



Except that's not what he was doing.

Guy Fawkes was part of a plan to kill the protestant king and put a catholic monarch in his place.

What really annoys me is the use of Guy Fawkes' image (namely, the mask from V for Vendetta) and using it to represent the struggle against government.  Take, for example, the most recent "Occupy Walls Street" protests (or Occupy Toronto, Vancouver, Boston, etc.).  During these activities, I saw multiple pictures of protesters wearing Guy Fawkes masks.  And in Montreal, I saw a statue wearing a mask.



Guy Fawkes wasn't trying to blow up parliament to destroy an evil theocracy, he was trying to install one.

V for Vendetta was an awesome movie.  But for god's sake, please get your facts straight before you slap on the Guy Fawkes mask.


So this November 5, when you remember Guy Fawkes, please remember what he ACTUALLY was doing, and not the movie V for Vendetta.

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.